Evolutions All Around!

This blog is evolving. I decided to spruce things up a bit to revitalize my efforts here. Thank you, everyone, who has not complained during my hiatus as a regular blogger. This blog isn't the only thing that's been evolving lately.

In addition to my regular mom duties I've becoe a full-time student again and have incorporated a regular exercise routine into my life. Both my mind and my body are working out, and both have had a hard time readjusting to the demands of anything other than motherhood.

I found it hard, at first, to turn the children over to Patrick as soon as he walked in the door on Mondays and Wednesdays so I could get to class on time. I returned at 9:45 -- tired and ready for bed, but usually not until I cleaned the kitchen and fed the baby one last time. 

As for the physical exercise, I am now reaping a trifecta of awards: increased energy, increased balance of thought and feeling, and decreased inches (I' not quite losing weight, as I am building muscle). At first, I found the workouts tiring and that they demanded a long recovery. Now, however, I find them invigorating. In fact, if I miss an appointment, as I did today, I am quite let down by it. 

As I've been weaving these two lifestyle changes into my life and keeping up with Wesley and Boden's changing demands, I've also dealt with my issues regarding time and energy as they relate to my abilities to pursue a Ph.D. 

The application and interview processes alone were challenge enough -- especially because Patrick was gone during an all-day interview, requiring me to not only take the children to a daycare, but to find one I trusted and then to fill out all of the required documents and make sure the children were up on their shots. Then, there was finding something to wear. I had considered buying a new suit for the interviews, but anyone who has been 7 months pregnant with only 15 more pounds to lose can understand my opposition to investing a suit I hoped to only wear twice. Well, lucky me, I pulled out my suit from 1997 and it fit (thank you, Spanx)! 

Back to "time" and "energy." During the process of filling out the application, etc., I wondered more than once if I would actually have the time and energy to follow through on the degree and still devote the time to my family and myself that we need. And, ore than once, I kind of freaked out about it all and had panic-related attacks. I realized that I was saying very negative things about time and energy and viewed them as very limited resources to be coveted and guarded heavily. Well, I decided to change my views. After all, my experience has shown that when I am determined, I find the time and energy to do most of the things I value. 

Rather than saying, "I am exhausted, I need to lie down," I say, "I want to relax, I think I will lie down." The difference may seem subtle, but it is immense. This is one example of the way I've tweaked the way I use words in order to change my reality. I've also changed how I think about time. I haven't pinpointed what exactly I've done there, but I do know that I don't feel like I need to hurry up and unload the dishwasher or put away the clothes anymore. I used to get a little anxiety as I did these things -- as if they were dreaded things that had to be done right away. Now, however, I don't feel any tightness in my chest. Again, I don't know what I changed, I just know that something worked. 

So, there you have it, an update on my evolution and a start on this blog's evolution ... not bad! I hope that you will enjoy the redesign and I have a few more things to tweak before I've installed all the components that I want. I already enjoy being here again and feel somewhat like I can write for pleasure once more. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever want to do that ... 

For those who are wondering, I start  Ph.D. program in counseling education and supervision with a concentration in marriage and family therapy this summer :D I am looking forward to growing at St. Mary's University! And I look forward to updating this blog with pictures and stories about the most precious people in my life -- Patrick, Wesley, Boden ... and me!