Just a Swingin' and Dreamin'

I rarely post pictures without a dash of home-brewed wisdom, so let's see if I can come up with anything that relates to the following mega-dose of cuteness. I don't blame you if you can't tear your eyes away from the pictures long enough to read ... I keep scrolling down to see them again and again as I type.

I'm not sure why I keep looking ... I do know that to me, these images (by Aunt Casey) capture something special about childhood ... I'm still trying to put my finger on it.


Do you ever think if life gets any happier you might burst inside? I think that, or feel it, almost every night.

Almost every night Patrick and I go into Wesley's room and play with him for about 30 minutes, it's our way of winding down with him and ending the day -- no matter how hard it was -- with laughter, family togetherness, songs, prayers and whatever else flows from our hearts.



Throughout the evening last night Wesley spontaneously hugged my neck and placed his cheek next to mine. It had been a rough day. He had just spent a weekend away from us and came back ready to test his home and his boundaries to see if anything had changed. Nothing had: I was still firm and held age-appropriate expectations. He just needed to double check, and triple check, and throw tantrums, and throw things (at me), etc. until he knew for sure that he could still count on me, and that his world was still safe and supportive no matter what.

Later that night, toward the end of our time together, Wesley pretended he was a flying dinosaur and flapped his arms as high and fast as he could.

"I want to fly! I want to fly!" he said.

Patrick lifted him into the air and I laughed with joy at their delight. We gave Wesley affirmations, to the extent that we could, about his dream: he probably won't ever be able to flap his arms and fly, but there are other ways he can make his dreams come true.



Heck, for all we know, perhaps his dreams have already have come true, after all, as you see in the picture below, Wesley has two colorful wings and his feet are off the ground.

Who knows where he was going in his mind when this picture was taken, or where he'll take his life long after this memory fades... all I know is that I want a fraction of his belief ...




... that any dream is possible and that there is no reason in the world his dreams won't come true.

One day I want to be the one relishing in my safety and lack of fear as I jump on the bed, flap my arms, and exclaim, "I want to fly, I want to fly" ... and then one day ... look down to find my feet above the earth and my colorful wings outspread.

Even though he's the one testing me to make sure his boundaries are still safe and held in his best interest, I'm the one with a lot to learn -- from him -- about boundaries and possibilities.

I'm tired of confusing safety and fear. And I am ready to claim and name my dreams! Thank YOU, Wesley (and of course Patrick)! Read more!

My Training, Our Move, and Holes

I spent a 3-day weekend training in Advanced Integrative Technique, formerly called Seemorg Matrix work. What? You don't know what that is by the name? It is one school in the growing field of energy psychology.

This particular seminar was titled Presence and taught us how to use AIT to remove trauma related to dissociation, which interferes with whole presence to the here and now. I enjoyed the training and hope to find a way to work with it in San Antonio after our move. Heck, I hope to find a way to continue all my training in San Antonio -- I love it. Everything I study is enjoyable and I find it rather fulfilling, a definite part of the complete me that as a mom I could easily neglect.

"After our move."

It's just a three-word phrase and yet a lot will shift between now and then.

First of all, we've got to figure out the logistics of moving two cars, two dogs, two boys (one nearly three years old and another three weeks old), and ourselves from North Carolina to Texas (Yes, we are taking donations to the "keep Wesley mindlessly entertained fund"). The logistics, Patrick and I can and will handle. There are a lot of options and some combination of people and dogs and valuables in cars and perhaps planes will get our family to our new home. Every time we make a plan we find new holes to fill, but I'm confident that eventually the only holes that we'll be watching out for will be pot holes.

I am more concerned with bridging my training and education while not being swallowed by all that will be required of me in the first few months. After all, I will have two children to adjust to a new life, one in a new place with a new brother, another to a whole new stage in his spiritual journey.

As you know, I've enjoyed studying transactional analysis, redecision therapy, and more recently energy psychology at the Southeast Institute. You may not know that I have some thoughts brewing on family development cycles, in particular family spiritual development cycles, as well as other ideas related to Drama Triangle roles. I could use a 9-5 week to write full-time in my office without interruption. That way I could organize my notes from all my training and my thoughts around the subjects above. But, as the birth draws nearer and as Wesley requires consistent stimulation through play and adventure, that time is less likely to happen. Which is fine, I can make do with stealing a few moments here and there to work on my projects, punch holes into papers and organize them along with my thoughts into 3-ring binders (I get giddy just thinking about it!).

I'd like to get this work done before the move so that in addition to unpacking, adjusting, and then isolation while Patrick is in COT I am not figuring out where I left off with a pile of unorganized notes. After all, one hand will likely be holding an infant and the other making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it's a lot easier to use my toes to turn pages when papers are in order. (Sifting with toes is a whole different skill that I have yet to master.)

So, anyway, here I am ... sleepless at six a.m., and updating the blog, it's better than lying in bed awake tossing and turning in search of comfort. Now that I've shared my goals with family and friends I may have just the motivation I am looking for to turn on the light, take out the hole puncher and get to organizing.

Of course, as I type that I look up and see the nail holes in the wall that need filling, sanding and repainting before we move .... *sigh* ... which holes will get my time? See the dilemma? And Wesley's not even awake yet. The holes in the walls are much easier to attend to: it's a time-limited project with actual results about which I don't care what others think ... my own work, however, is different. I have no idea how long it will take and I DO care what others think. After all, the thoughts, the writing, the field of endeavor itself says a lot about me and who I am.

I'll find a way to make time for both today -- me and the house. How about that? I'll let you know how it goes. For now, I'm going to make a small pot of coffee, put a homemade waffle in the toaster, and get to punching. Read more!

Turning Pages

I just received the final before the final edit of the manuscript.

Argh. I thought this was the final ... but, no, I've got to go through this and accept or reject the edits. And THEN another editor goes behind me to make sure I didn't make any edits in the process of accepting or rejecting the previous edits. And THEN we finally get to layout the book and get a copy of what it will look like and go through that for changes. Whew ... then we'll be there, wherever there is.

I know where here is ... Here, Wesley and I are sitting on the couch and I am alternating between editing and coloring a pachycephalosaurus in his dinosaur coloring book. Right now I am typing a sentence or two in this entry and then picking up a green color to return my attention to Mr. Pake Saurus.

I look forward to finishing this round of edits and hope to do that today and tomorrow. I'm taking 10 pages at a time and then breaking.

Wesley keeps wanting my attention so I've got a few things to juggle here.

Other goals this week:
Weed backyard
Paint over nail patches in our walls (we took down all of our art/shelves/etc.)
Paint master bedroom before new carpet installation on Monday.

Then I have various things to do for my TA training.

By the way, I'll be a Certified Redecision Therapist soon. I'm excited about that bit of news. I just have to pass a multiple choice exam.

Oh oh oh!!!

I forgot!!!

Patrick picked up his diploma yesterday and is officially Patrick Keller, MD, MPH :) :) :)

That deserves another blog entry entirely to itself so I'll save the thoughts for that.

OK, so in our time here Patrick received an MPH and I will have received certification in rehab counseling and redecision therapy, and am well on my way to receiving certification as a transactional analyist (even though I have about two years left, two years are down).

We are on our way to accomplishing what we need (the papers) to accomplish our dreams (making the world a better place). The papers are just steps along the way ... our dreams are the real deal. Read more!