My Training, Our Move, and Holes

I spent a 3-day weekend training in Advanced Integrative Technique, formerly called Seemorg Matrix work. What? You don't know what that is by the name? It is one school in the growing field of energy psychology.

This particular seminar was titled Presence and taught us how to use AIT to remove trauma related to dissociation, which interferes with whole presence to the here and now. I enjoyed the training and hope to find a way to work with it in San Antonio after our move. Heck, I hope to find a way to continue all my training in San Antonio -- I love it. Everything I study is enjoyable and I find it rather fulfilling, a definite part of the complete me that as a mom I could easily neglect.

"After our move."

It's just a three-word phrase and yet a lot will shift between now and then.

First of all, we've got to figure out the logistics of moving two cars, two dogs, two boys (one nearly three years old and another three weeks old), and ourselves from North Carolina to Texas (Yes, we are taking donations to the "keep Wesley mindlessly entertained fund"). The logistics, Patrick and I can and will handle. There are a lot of options and some combination of people and dogs and valuables in cars and perhaps planes will get our family to our new home. Every time we make a plan we find new holes to fill, but I'm confident that eventually the only holes that we'll be watching out for will be pot holes.

I am more concerned with bridging my training and education while not being swallowed by all that will be required of me in the first few months. After all, I will have two children to adjust to a new life, one in a new place with a new brother, another to a whole new stage in his spiritual journey.

As you know, I've enjoyed studying transactional analysis, redecision therapy, and more recently energy psychology at the Southeast Institute. You may not know that I have some thoughts brewing on family development cycles, in particular family spiritual development cycles, as well as other ideas related to Drama Triangle roles. I could use a 9-5 week to write full-time in my office without interruption. That way I could organize my notes from all my training and my thoughts around the subjects above. But, as the birth draws nearer and as Wesley requires consistent stimulation through play and adventure, that time is less likely to happen. Which is fine, I can make do with stealing a few moments here and there to work on my projects, punch holes into papers and organize them along with my thoughts into 3-ring binders (I get giddy just thinking about it!).

I'd like to get this work done before the move so that in addition to unpacking, adjusting, and then isolation while Patrick is in COT I am not figuring out where I left off with a pile of unorganized notes. After all, one hand will likely be holding an infant and the other making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it's a lot easier to use my toes to turn pages when papers are in order. (Sifting with toes is a whole different skill that I have yet to master.)

So, anyway, here I am ... sleepless at six a.m., and updating the blog, it's better than lying in bed awake tossing and turning in search of comfort. Now that I've shared my goals with family and friends I may have just the motivation I am looking for to turn on the light, take out the hole puncher and get to organizing.

Of course, as I type that I look up and see the nail holes in the wall that need filling, sanding and repainting before we move .... *sigh* ... which holes will get my time? See the dilemma? And Wesley's not even awake yet. The holes in the walls are much easier to attend to: it's a time-limited project with actual results about which I don't care what others think ... my own work, however, is different. I have no idea how long it will take and I DO care what others think. After all, the thoughts, the writing, the field of endeavor itself says a lot about me and who I am.

I'll find a way to make time for both today -- me and the house. How about that? I'll let you know how it goes. For now, I'm going to make a small pot of coffee, put a homemade waffle in the toaster, and get to punching. Read more!

Thoughts on tantrums and being two

I am not sure where this blog entry is starting or going to go. For most entries I at least have an idea of what I want to mention.

Wesley's Aunt Casey took this picture while babysitting him last week. I attended a half-day of group therapy that I attend once a month, followed by two days of training in Transactional Analysis and Redicision Therapy.

I enjoy both the break from Wesley and the learning opportunity the training presents. One day I will really enjoy going to work as a therapist, when the real training begins. Thankfully, I'll have knowledge of a framework with which I can work and connections to people with whom I can consult when the time comes.

Until then, I am telling myself not to rush this phase of life -- the staying home phase. As difficult as this particular stage (raising a two and a half year old) can be, it will one day be no more. I have convinced myself that the tantrums and other familiar fights of this stage are normal and even beautiful. Now, if I could just convince the rest of the world ...

Unfortunately, some people assume that natural two-year-old behavior is a "problem" and that a "problem" with the child indicates a problem with the parent. What they don't know is that at two, when a child is up and running, talking up a storm, or on the ground flailing his/her arms and legs, the child is completely normal. There is no problem and there need be no excuse. What the parent does with that behavior can be a problem, but that's a much longer post than I would like to get into right now.

So, when you see a two year old throwing a tantrum, don't wonder why he's not sitting still and using his words like a "good" child or make up excuses like, "that poor child must be sick, that's the only way to explain the behavior, last time I saw him he was an angel." That completely annoying to the parent (this one at least) who knows beyond a doubt that the child is 1. still an angel and 2. completely normal.

Accept, at least in Wesley's case, that the parents are doing the best they can to meet the dueling survival needs cherished at once inside of the child: 1. the need for closeness and unity with the primary caretakers and 2. the need to identify himself as an individual who is separate and unique.

With patience, consistency, and firm boundaries, Wesley will find confidence on the other side of this battle.

You can probably guess some of the parenting frustrations that I have bumped into in the last week. Let's just say that I have reclaimed my confidence in my parenting, and it does not waiver with Wesley's moods, though others' perceptions may. I am confident that Wesley is uniquely Wesley, as God intended him to be. And that at the end of this journey he will know and cherish his uniqueness. Just in time for the next child to realize that he or she is in fact a separate being from the rest of the world ;)

So as much as I look forward to working and learning through doing in my field, I am concentrating on being right now: Being here for me and my family.

I think I'll talk about being vs. doing next time, because that too is on my mind lately. Read more!