Thoughts on tantrums and being two

I am not sure where this blog entry is starting or going to go. For most entries I at least have an idea of what I want to mention.

Wesley's Aunt Casey took this picture while babysitting him last week. I attended a half-day of group therapy that I attend once a month, followed by two days of training in Transactional Analysis and Redicision Therapy.

I enjoy both the break from Wesley and the learning opportunity the training presents. One day I will really enjoy going to work as a therapist, when the real training begins. Thankfully, I'll have knowledge of a framework with which I can work and connections to people with whom I can consult when the time comes.

Until then, I am telling myself not to rush this phase of life -- the staying home phase. As difficult as this particular stage (raising a two and a half year old) can be, it will one day be no more. I have convinced myself that the tantrums and other familiar fights of this stage are normal and even beautiful. Now, if I could just convince the rest of the world ...

Unfortunately, some people assume that natural two-year-old behavior is a "problem" and that a "problem" with the child indicates a problem with the parent. What they don't know is that at two, when a child is up and running, talking up a storm, or on the ground flailing his/her arms and legs, the child is completely normal. There is no problem and there need be no excuse. What the parent does with that behavior can be a problem, but that's a much longer post than I would like to get into right now.

So, when you see a two year old throwing a tantrum, don't wonder why he's not sitting still and using his words like a "good" child or make up excuses like, "that poor child must be sick, that's the only way to explain the behavior, last time I saw him he was an angel." That completely annoying to the parent (this one at least) who knows beyond a doubt that the child is 1. still an angel and 2. completely normal.

Accept, at least in Wesley's case, that the parents are doing the best they can to meet the dueling survival needs cherished at once inside of the child: 1. the need for closeness and unity with the primary caretakers and 2. the need to identify himself as an individual who is separate and unique.

With patience, consistency, and firm boundaries, Wesley will find confidence on the other side of this battle.

You can probably guess some of the parenting frustrations that I have bumped into in the last week. Let's just say that I have reclaimed my confidence in my parenting, and it does not waiver with Wesley's moods, though others' perceptions may. I am confident that Wesley is uniquely Wesley, as God intended him to be. And that at the end of this journey he will know and cherish his uniqueness. Just in time for the next child to realize that he or she is in fact a separate being from the rest of the world ;)

So as much as I look forward to working and learning through doing in my field, I am concentrating on being right now: Being here for me and my family.

I think I'll talk about being vs. doing next time, because that too is on my mind lately.