TA Basics

A Primer

I realized as I started writing my entry "Doing vs. Being" that some background on strokes might be useful. Here it is:

Eric Berne used the term stimulus hunger to define the basic need for stimulation that was observed by Spitz in his work in orphanages. Humans are born with a need for stimulation of the sensory organs, primarily for touch. Without touch, babies do not thrive and they ultimately would not survive if let alone long enough.

As children grow, they learn to replace recognition, such as a smile, a nod, or a word of encouragement, for touch itself. Berne used the term recognition hunger to describe the fundamental cravings that humans have for recognition, or a stroke.

	Conditional	Unconditional
Positive	That’s a lovely picture.	I love you.
Negative	That line is crooked.	I hate you.

A stroke, Berne says, is any unit of recognition. Strokes can be positive or negative, conditional or unconditional.

Strokes help satisfy our recognition hunger, and in many aspects (as related to stimulus hunger) keep us “going.” Children learn to seek out positive strokes, especially from their parents. Where there aren’t any or are very few positive strokes to be received, they learn to substitute negative ones for positive ones, because any confirmation of existence is better than none at all.

Positive and negative conditional strokes train children in the world of "doing," and when used in balance and with the child's best interest in mind build competency. Positive unconditional strokes build the child's since of her/his own lovableness and right to take up space in this world and have her/his needs met. There is no place for negative unconditional strokes in parenting. Of course, if that is all one receives, so be it: A life sustained on bread alone is better than no life at all. And that's how "I hate you" becomes "I love you."