Well, I did it ...

First of all, I'm reading a book called Buddhism for Mothers, and aside for some of the passivity that I read into the way the author relates to emotions (as if they are something that "come over us" etc. rather than something that we have control over ... UPDATE at end) I like the book a lot.

So this one passage got to me, and I am paraphrasing here: If you want to know how your life got this way look at the past. If you want to know how the future will be, look at today.

I read that as: My today IS my tomorrow. In other words, there is no "I'll start tomorrow." It's all about this moment right now. And, that leads me to another concept in the book: Mindfulness.

Here's where I'm heading: Tomorrow, fast forward to my 70s, I want to be a fit healthy grandmother or globe trotter, preferably both ;) What does that mean? That means that whatever it is I want to be doing in my 70s to be fit I need to be doing today ...

No more excuses.

So I strapped on my tennies, bundled up the baby (for a cool 65 degree Texas evening) and ran the full .5 mile around my block.

I ran the whole way.

I know: It's only half a mile ... but still ... I did it. And I am celebrating with the equivalence of a touchdown dance.

As I ran I started to hurt. As I started to hurt I thought, "Focus on where you want to be, Emily, focus on the health." Then I interrupted myself:

"No, that's not mindfulness, mindfulness is about the present, focus on the present." And the conversation took off from there ...

"But I hurt, I don't want focus on where I am."

"Find a place that doesn't hurt and focus on that."

"I hurt all freakin over! ... Wait a minute, my fingers don't hurt ... I'll focus on that."

So I did. The next thing I knew I was more than half way through my half-mile run and the rest was history. I pushed the stroller into the garage and shook my booty (until I remembered that the garage door was still open and the light was on ... then I went inside and shook it.

I recommend the book, by the way, and even have a small story of coincidence to share: As I started reading the book I sent an email to a professor at a local university asking him if we could meet to discuss how I can slip past their high standards and into their program. He wrote me back and signed off with "Metta" a Buddhist term meaning loving kindness ;)

Is that a coincidence or a sign? Not sure and who cares what it is, if God speaks in the details ... it's at least a nudge ... maybe there are a lot of nudges we're missing ... because we're not mindful.

Anyway, I am meeting with him Monday at 2 :) and can't wait to discuss my goals and dreams!

***

UPDATE: A reader e-mailed me with an important point. Sometimes feelings do wash over us ... it's not like we have control of all of our emotions, we have control over our actions connected to those emotions. And I agree. I don't think it's either one or the other as my words may have implied. I also think that constantly referring to emotions in a passive voice puts them in control in a way. Also, I do think that some emotions are a result of some people's preference for those emotions and focus upon them. So, yes, they do ebb and flow, yes we do have control over how we act in relation to them (i.e. we can think and feel at the same time) and yes sometimes people create emotional states for themselves ... rather than just letting them come and go as gentle waves, they choose to take a swim and soak them ;) So thanks, reader, for your points.