My Training, Our Move, and Holes

I spent a 3-day weekend training in Advanced Integrative Technique, formerly called Seemorg Matrix work. What? You don't know what that is by the name? It is one school in the growing field of energy psychology.

This particular seminar was titled Presence and taught us how to use AIT to remove trauma related to dissociation, which interferes with whole presence to the here and now. I enjoyed the training and hope to find a way to work with it in San Antonio after our move. Heck, I hope to find a way to continue all my training in San Antonio -- I love it. Everything I study is enjoyable and I find it rather fulfilling, a definite part of the complete me that as a mom I could easily neglect.

"After our move."

It's just a three-word phrase and yet a lot will shift between now and then.

First of all, we've got to figure out the logistics of moving two cars, two dogs, two boys (one nearly three years old and another three weeks old), and ourselves from North Carolina to Texas (Yes, we are taking donations to the "keep Wesley mindlessly entertained fund"). The logistics, Patrick and I can and will handle. There are a lot of options and some combination of people and dogs and valuables in cars and perhaps planes will get our family to our new home. Every time we make a plan we find new holes to fill, but I'm confident that eventually the only holes that we'll be watching out for will be pot holes.

I am more concerned with bridging my training and education while not being swallowed by all that will be required of me in the first few months. After all, I will have two children to adjust to a new life, one in a new place with a new brother, another to a whole new stage in his spiritual journey.

As you know, I've enjoyed studying transactional analysis, redecision therapy, and more recently energy psychology at the Southeast Institute. You may not know that I have some thoughts brewing on family development cycles, in particular family spiritual development cycles, as well as other ideas related to Drama Triangle roles. I could use a 9-5 week to write full-time in my office without interruption. That way I could organize my notes from all my training and my thoughts around the subjects above. But, as the birth draws nearer and as Wesley requires consistent stimulation through play and adventure, that time is less likely to happen. Which is fine, I can make do with stealing a few moments here and there to work on my projects, punch holes into papers and organize them along with my thoughts into 3-ring binders (I get giddy just thinking about it!).

I'd like to get this work done before the move so that in addition to unpacking, adjusting, and then isolation while Patrick is in COT I am not figuring out where I left off with a pile of unorganized notes. After all, one hand will likely be holding an infant and the other making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it's a lot easier to use my toes to turn pages when papers are in order. (Sifting with toes is a whole different skill that I have yet to master.)

So, anyway, here I am ... sleepless at six a.m., and updating the blog, it's better than lying in bed awake tossing and turning in search of comfort. Now that I've shared my goals with family and friends I may have just the motivation I am looking for to turn on the light, take out the hole puncher and get to organizing.

Of course, as I type that I look up and see the nail holes in the wall that need filling, sanding and repainting before we move .... *sigh* ... which holes will get my time? See the dilemma? And Wesley's not even awake yet. The holes in the walls are much easier to attend to: it's a time-limited project with actual results about which I don't care what others think ... my own work, however, is different. I have no idea how long it will take and I DO care what others think. After all, the thoughts, the writing, the field of endeavor itself says a lot about me and who I am.

I'll find a way to make time for both today -- me and the house. How about that? I'll let you know how it goes. For now, I'm going to make a small pot of coffee, put a homemade waffle in the toaster, and get to punching. Read more!

Wanting -- What the World Needs

I noticed that Wesley is saying, "I need ... ." When really the word "want" would better fit considering he's asking to go outside or for one of his toys.

Brief thoughts related to wanting vs. needing:

People tend to substitute the word need for want when it isn't "OK" for them to want things or when, historically, they never got what they wanted for one reason or another.

Example 1
Child: "I want a new pair of shoes." Caretaker: "How dare you want a new pair of shoes! You have shoes. There are plenty of people who don't have shoes and you want a new pair?" This may sound like an exaggeration, but variations of this are said to children frequently. Child interpretation: How dare I want something I don't need. Only my needs will be met. I better not ask for something unless I need it.

Example 2
Child: "I want a Barbie Doll." Caretaker: "We don't have the money for that (again)." Child interpretation: Not getting what I want is painful. I feel less pain when I just don't want anything. So the child decides it is less painful (in this situation safer in others, etc.) to not be in touch with his/her wants.

Ah, a life without wants -- sounds wonderful doesn't it? After all, wouldn't it be great not to have any wants at all? This situation can come about a few ways, one of which is to be an heir to a fortune and another is to simply "not want". Either way -- life is fulfilled. Right?

Wrong.

I am not sure that children, and even adults, distinguish well between physical and spiritual satisfaction. For instance, many people think that this or that will fill them up ... inside. We've all known people who consume food and luxury items in an effort to feel better about themselves. Problem is, the physical thing doesn't match the spiritual desire.

So when we shut down our want of material things, sometimes we shut down spiritually driven desires -- internal callings.

Ever know someone who doesn't know what he or she wants to do in life? Of course you have! Heck, you've probably been in this position -- it may even be a normal part of career selection.

When children grow up thinking that only their needs will be taken care of, they shut themselves off from their wants -- their own internal selves. Ideally, choosing a career is about what you want to do, not what you have to do. Ideally, those wants are driven by a desire to activate the unique God-given virtue profile placed within you, a virtue profile that I believe, if activated and devoted to service, will lead to betterment of the world.

Once shut down, reactivation of this spontaneous, beautiful place within can be difficult.

So, back to Wesley ... what do I do now that I've noticed that his wants and needs are blending. I want to make sure he uses want where appropriate so i know that he knows 1. what he wants and that 2. he is important enough to get what he wants, when appropriate.

Two things: One, I separate my needs from my wants -- pursuing both as appropriate. And help Wesley separate his, giving him feedback as to why some are met and others are not.

Both Patrick and I have been working on this ourselves and even within a week I've noticed a change in Wesley's words. He is using the word want now -- yeah! And he is starting to use the word need appropriately too.

This is wonderful progress!

I place emphasis on this subject because I want my son to learn the difference between his needs and his wants. I want him to prioritize his pursuits in life and know that his longings -- when tuned in to his own spiritual desires and internal callings -- will lead him along God's plan.

So, what are your needs? What are your wants? Is it OK for you to want something? Is it OK for you to get it? These are all things decided by children as they watch the adults around them.

IF for no other reason than to liberate Wesley from unnecessary uncertainty, I plan on further sifting my wants from my needs.

Not only do I hope to tap in to a deeper connection with myself and with God, I hope to carry out my "heart's desires" with certainty that God has placed within me gems that will benefit mankind today. And this of course will benefit my children -- and the world -- tomorrow. Read more!

Ten Years Ago

I met Patrick ten years ago. He was a senior studying physics and I was in graduate school.

I liked a lot of things about Patrick, I especially liked that he had a plan: "I want to travel and explore the world, not in the 5-star hotel way, rather in a way that gives back to the people of every place I go."

We shared a desire to enhance the world. The difference between us at the time, however, was that he had a plan. Like me, Patrick has a lot of interests and had a lot of paths he could have pursued.

"I just picked one," he said.

He made it sound so simple: Just pick a path and devote yourself to it.

He had picked the MD, MPH route with a desire to bring health to the greatest number of people that he could. Three to four months after we met he left on a journey that would take him to medical school in Israel.

What could have taken 4 years of education ended up taking 5 years because he took a year off in the middle for us to spend time together after our wedding. Then he returned to Israel and I visited/lived there when I could.

The next step on his path was a residency in family medicine so he could translate his book knowledge into a body knowledge. Then, the final phase of his formal education: a residency in public health leading to a masters degree.

That final phase is finished.

The road has been long and paved with gems. Here are a few that I have gleaned through my husband's journey:

** Picking a path doesn't exclude all other paths, it provides a focus.
** There is no real "end" or "goal" to the path ... the path itself is the goal; The path is life.
** Life doesn't start at some point in the future: Life is now.
** Be flexible. You may not know how you are going to get there and open doors may shut in your face, but there's always a way around or through if you don't give up, if you believe in yourself.
** You don't need to be "special" to reach your goal.
** Goals that allow you to express "you" are worthy.
** It may not be the end that is most inspiring to others, rather what you do on the path.
** There is no magic number, or date, or condition that is worth waiting for before you start (on your path, living, or just feeling good about yourself). Just start!
** Let your heart shine ... your beauty does not take away from others, real beauty does not compete with others ...

So, yes, I am proud of my husband for completing his MD MPH goals, but not because of the title ... rather because of his perseverance, his focus, his dedication, his joy along the way ...

It's not that "now" he can do things, he's been doing things all along toward his goal of helping people ... now is a continuation of yesterday and today ... a constant motion.

I've never heard of a goal that "starts tomorrow" that works ... I've only heard of goals that are in process now that work ...

Thank you, Patrick for showing me that an imperfect now is preferable to the nonexistent "perfect tomorrow"!!!!! Read more!

Turning Pages

I just received the final before the final edit of the manuscript.

Argh. I thought this was the final ... but, no, I've got to go through this and accept or reject the edits. And THEN another editor goes behind me to make sure I didn't make any edits in the process of accepting or rejecting the previous edits. And THEN we finally get to layout the book and get a copy of what it will look like and go through that for changes. Whew ... then we'll be there, wherever there is.

I know where here is ... Here, Wesley and I are sitting on the couch and I am alternating between editing and coloring a pachycephalosaurus in his dinosaur coloring book. Right now I am typing a sentence or two in this entry and then picking up a green color to return my attention to Mr. Pake Saurus.

I look forward to finishing this round of edits and hope to do that today and tomorrow. I'm taking 10 pages at a time and then breaking.

Wesley keeps wanting my attention so I've got a few things to juggle here.

Other goals this week:
Weed backyard
Paint over nail patches in our walls (we took down all of our art/shelves/etc.)
Paint master bedroom before new carpet installation on Monday.

Then I have various things to do for my TA training.

By the way, I'll be a Certified Redecision Therapist soon. I'm excited about that bit of news. I just have to pass a multiple choice exam.

Oh oh oh!!!

I forgot!!!

Patrick picked up his diploma yesterday and is officially Patrick Keller, MD, MPH :) :) :)

That deserves another blog entry entirely to itself so I'll save the thoughts for that.

OK, so in our time here Patrick received an MPH and I will have received certification in rehab counseling and redecision therapy, and am well on my way to receiving certification as a transactional analyist (even though I have about two years left, two years are down).

We are on our way to accomplishing what we need (the papers) to accomplish our dreams (making the world a better place). The papers are just steps along the way ... our dreams are the real deal. Read more!