Anyway, where are the gummy bears you ask? Oh, they're in my belly. No, they're not an official part of my "total health" plan, but neither is staying up late to blog. (I would say "holistic health" but that is just so trendy right now ... I'm going for total health instead.)
I've heard it before: Relax, you shouldn't be hard on yourself with all this talk about health. After all, you are producing milk, just moved, your husband started a new job, you left behind a support network, etc. etc.
But here's the deal. I want to be the best me I can be -- ESPECIALLY now, and that requires a certain amount of proper fuel and *GASP* rest. The good fuel is easier for me than the decent amount of sleep goal. In fact I didn't even consider sleep as part of my total health plan until Tuesday night.
Last Tuesday I participated in my friend's online collaborative phone conference group based on the book The Mother's Guide to Self Renewal. Most of this stuff is pretty second nature to me now that I've had a year of great therapy and two years of training in TA, and I feel I had a lot to contribue, but I've got to admit that when Raelee asked us about our sleep habits I was like ...
Sleep? You're asking me about sleep? I'm a mother of an infant and a three year old ... what do you mean do I get enough sleep?
Then, I thought about it ... And I was like:
*YAWN* Yeah, I could be getting more sleep ... and it would feel wonderful.
So I added a sleep amendment to my total health plan.
After all, what is it I do at night that can't be done during the day? Well, for the most part I enjoy the time alone -- finally, after everyone (including my husband) has gone to bed I relish the time to myself. Sometimes I wash dishes and rearrange my pantry (I did just move in to a new home and am still learning which items go best where based on how often I reach for them) and other times I blog or write other things (mostly random thoughts, but usually closely guarded gems). OK, the point is ... Can't I fit this stuff in to some other time of day? I mean, do I need to stay awake until my younger son's midnight nursing so I will be awakened one less time than if I went to bed at 11? (Does that logic make sense to anyone else? I'm assuming most nursing mothers will get what I mean.)
I thought the answer was "yes" ... but here I am on my computer at 11:21 with so much more to say ... and a handful of gummy bears by my side (OK, they're in my tummy) and I am torn ... do I stay up and actually put away the last of the papers sitting on my desk and find a place for my stack of journals or do I brush my teeth and close the laptop? Grrr ... I'm doing so well on everything else: waking up before my older son, showering, styling my hair, yoga, working out, praying, eating well (except for the gummy bears and a few Oreos) ... why is this one thing so hard?!?!
I think that this time at night is precious because I see it as my time. And perhaps I see the other hours as "their" time, which is just not the way it is.
We also talked about nurturing ourselves at the expense of others, vs. to the benefit of others. So what I'm thinking is that time ... one of the most powerful commodities in a family and especially to mothers in my opinion ... doesn't have to be either/or. It doesn't have to be mine or theirs (however one defines "their") it can be ours. I think the next step toward reaching this goal isn't really about setting a time to go to bed and close the laptop. I think it's about claiming the rest of my hours in the day and truly embracing that the things I do for "them" I do for not only myself, but the world (I believe changing the world starts at home -- remember?). I am starting to think that when I reclaim those precious day hours I'll be better able to assign the night hours to sleep.
*Yawn* I'm getting sleepy just thinking about it. So tomorrow I will think about reclaiming my day hours as I go through the day and see what happens at night.
Anyway, if you read this far, you were warned ... I said I'd ramble.
G'night!
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