What do you hear when other people are talking?

If you know a mom who has recently given birth: Offer an arm.

If you know a mom who has just moved to a new town: Offer a hand.

If you know a mom whose husband is out of town: Offer a shoulder.

And if you know a mom who is dealing with all three of the above situations: Knock on her door, walk in, keep your mouth shut, start cleaning, and listen.

Or ... just listen.

And did I mention keep your mouth shut? Unless, of course, asked a question.

Whatever you do, don't say things like: "Oh, you can do it, so many others have." Or, "You think that's hard, I remember when I ..." Or, "I bet you appreciate your husband more now that he's gone. He's so wonderful." Please, please don't say those things ... they're quite beside the immediate point that this mother might just feel like she's falling apart.

She'll likely talk about how the first few weeks/month of her child's life have slipped by too quickly and that she squeezes in as many moments as possible to sniff his head before that delicious milky smell is gone. When you hear those words do you feel the loss behind them? Don't try and top it.

She'll likely tell you that her child was up for hours last night and she doesn't understand why the child had to tuck his feet in under her for comfort. (OK, she understands, but was it really necessary?) Do you feel the frustration? Don't try and top it.

She'll likely tell you that while that child could sleep in, she still had to wake up early to feed the baby and the dogs and down a pot of coffee before said sleeping child awoke. Do you feel the strength? Don't try to top it.


And she'll probably ask, no beg, for any tips on how to pass the hours between 3:3o and 8:30; the hours that her eyes want to shut and her body wants to shut down. Do you hear that? That's someone asking for help. THAT is when you offer solutions.

So, when this mom calls or when you call her, just keep quiet. Keep quiet and listen because you're most likely the ONLY adult she's talked to all day, the only person who is in a position to hear what she has to say. Pay attention to the words, but more importantly the feelings behind them ... reflect the feelings.

Too many people think empathy is sameness ... it's not. When I say that I am run down and don't know what to do ... I am not looking for someone to tell me about how much MORE run down they are. Please, take your competition to someone else. I am not in the harried race, I am in the human race ... that's where I want my connection.

OK, just some thoughts on feeling run down and not knowing who to turn to ... I didn't even discuss how some people react as if one bad day = an opportunity to get on a soap box about taking care of oneself or finding new parenting skills. And I didn't even go into how some people act like they just don't need other people. That's a lie. We all need other people. Why else are we born into families? We come into the world needing others and if we live long enough we leave this world needing others. If we're lucky enough, we'll walk through this world needing others.

I am very aware of my need for others right now.

And I am asking for positive unconditional strokes. So if you have them, comment below. If you need to, Google the term so you know what I'm talking about. Read more!

This is How I Get Things Done

Need I say more?

I am making phone calls to get all sorts of estimates on work and things we need to purchase for our move. How do I buy my time? Credit. I'd say it's a pretty low interest rate, considering I can have this mess cleaned up in about 15 minutes. Yes, there's more, but what's a mom to an active two-year-old supposed to do when things just need to get done? Read more!

Count on Me

Why am I up in the middle of the night counting Braxton Hicks contractions when I should be counting sheep? Perhaps because they are organizing at 5 minute intervals!

I'll be 36 weeks this weekend and yet I am excited about a slim slight not-even-really-possible labor that I don't even want to happen until at least next week, when at 37 weeks I can deliver in the comfort of a birthing center.

Ah, but that's what the sweet anticipation of holding a newborn will do to an otherwise logical mind.

So, rather than take a Benadryl and see how I feel in the morning, I'm up in the middle of the night dreaming of ten little fingers and ten little toes; two awakening eyes and a little pug nose. I am dreaming of holding the baby and feeling his spine -- a string of pearls -- under a layer of velvet skin; of nursing him and staring at him, of sleeping and waking with him, and of course, of smelling his head and internalizing the reality that he is nestled in my arms.

If I had a magic pill that would let me sleep deeply and soundly from now until 7 a.m. I'm not sure if I would take it. Nope. There's a part of me that would rather be up dreaming of our time to come ... the time that waits just around the corner.

*Yawn*

I think the Braxton Hicks are slowing now. Hmmm ... Maybe I can get back in bed and rest my head just so by tucking a pillow under it, and then one in between my knees, another under my belly, and yet another between my ankles. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll get comfortable enough to quiet my mind and slip from wakefulness to dreamland where, for now, I can hold the child I carry in my belly, in my arms.

And then I'll be rested for our journey together -- whenever it may come. Whether now or later, you can count on me ... sleep or no sleep ... to be anticipating your arrival with open arms and heart.

Good night, sweet babe, and hold tight. Read more!

A poem

Why am I not in bed?

Why am I not in bed
since Wesley has rested his head?
Why am I not asleep
now that I don't hear a peep?

Why aren't my eyes shut tight
now that Wesley has said good night?
Why am I not dreaming
now that Wesley is no longer screaming?

Perhaps because the tranquility
I find in being with me
is worth the price that I will pay
as I drink coffee throughout the next day.

Of course, come night, I'll take my Tums
and it'll ease the internal drums
and then I'll settle in to bed
and welcome dreams into my head.

And just as I'm about to drift
to the place where time passes swift
I'll sit up and scream and shout
as I work the leg cramps out.

So no wonder I sit and type
instead of saying good night.
For the rest that I would gain
comes from a road paved with pain.

And if you see a way to break
the cycle of symptoms, please take
the time to leave a comment
just don't ask me not to vent. Read more!

Yes, I'm that Mom

You guessed it, that was me.

Yes, I am the mom who had a hard time at the grocery store's self checkout line today.

Yes, I am the mom who asked for help from the checkout lady.

Yes, I am the mom who told the woman I had already pressed the buttons she had told me to press.

Yes, I am the mom with the child who kept leaning on the bag holder and messing up the scale and reseting my transaction.

Yes, I am the mom who asked her son not to do that anymore and moved him to her other side.

Yes, I am the mom who returned her attention to the card reader when her son started to whine and complain.

Yes, I am the mom who kept her attention on the card reader when her son threw himself on the ground and started to kick and scream.

Yes, I am the mom who picked up two bags of groceries, a tantruming son, and turned to walk out the door.

Yes, I am the mom who said, "have a nice day."

Yes, I am the mom who wanted to cry when your eye brows sharpened into a "V" above your tight-lipped disapproving silence. Read more!

The measure of a mom ...

An inch.

that's all it took ... I gave him an inch, he took a one-foot fall into a shallow bog at the botanical gardens.

So, i ask, is the "good" mother the one who keeps her child from falling into the bog in the first place by not giving that inch ... or is it she who keeps her wits as she fishes him out, undresses him, removes her jacket, covers him up with it, and then -- after he has calmed -- sits back down to chat with her friend as her son continues to play ... ?

It's a rhetorical question, at least, I don't think it's either/or. It's just a thought. I'm actually rather proud of how calmly i approached the situation. and it did give a photographer a very cute subject (if I do say so myself). Read more!