Virtue of the Week(s)

Our virute of focus for the next two weeks is: 

Responsibility!

This virtue will be our main topic at our "Don't Waffle" Saturday morning family devotions this week and my "Hearth and Soul" ladies devotions next Sunday night. 

It is the primary focus of our point chart, through which Wesley earns points and saves them for rewards. It is also our primary focus in our lives right now as we look for ways to act now rather than later and own our actions as well. 

I have a list of things to act on right now that I am putting off for various reasons. Sometimes I shy away from conflict, so with this virtue in sight I am praying to develop the assertiveness, focus, and fortitude to take the actions that I've been putting off. 

I'm looking for a childen's activity for this Saturday's devotions ... something focused on responsibility. So if you have any suggestions ... please share in the comments. And if you have any thoughts and/or tips related to this virtue. Please share those as well! 

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Wanting -- What the World Needs

I noticed that Wesley is saying, "I need ... ." When really the word "want" would better fit considering he's asking to go outside or for one of his toys.

Brief thoughts related to wanting vs. needing:

People tend to substitute the word need for want when it isn't "OK" for them to want things or when, historically, they never got what they wanted for one reason or another.

Example 1
Child: "I want a new pair of shoes." Caretaker: "How dare you want a new pair of shoes! You have shoes. There are plenty of people who don't have shoes and you want a new pair?" This may sound like an exaggeration, but variations of this are said to children frequently. Child interpretation: How dare I want something I don't need. Only my needs will be met. I better not ask for something unless I need it.

Example 2
Child: "I want a Barbie Doll." Caretaker: "We don't have the money for that (again)." Child interpretation: Not getting what I want is painful. I feel less pain when I just don't want anything. So the child decides it is less painful (in this situation safer in others, etc.) to not be in touch with his/her wants.

Ah, a life without wants -- sounds wonderful doesn't it? After all, wouldn't it be great not to have any wants at all? This situation can come about a few ways, one of which is to be an heir to a fortune and another is to simply "not want". Either way -- life is fulfilled. Right?

Wrong.

I am not sure that children, and even adults, distinguish well between physical and spiritual satisfaction. For instance, many people think that this or that will fill them up ... inside. We've all known people who consume food and luxury items in an effort to feel better about themselves. Problem is, the physical thing doesn't match the spiritual desire.

So when we shut down our want of material things, sometimes we shut down spiritually driven desires -- internal callings.

Ever know someone who doesn't know what he or she wants to do in life? Of course you have! Heck, you've probably been in this position -- it may even be a normal part of career selection.

When children grow up thinking that only their needs will be taken care of, they shut themselves off from their wants -- their own internal selves. Ideally, choosing a career is about what you want to do, not what you have to do. Ideally, those wants are driven by a desire to activate the unique God-given virtue profile placed within you, a virtue profile that I believe, if activated and devoted to service, will lead to betterment of the world.

Once shut down, reactivation of this spontaneous, beautiful place within can be difficult.

So, back to Wesley ... what do I do now that I've noticed that his wants and needs are blending. I want to make sure he uses want where appropriate so i know that he knows 1. what he wants and that 2. he is important enough to get what he wants, when appropriate.

Two things: One, I separate my needs from my wants -- pursuing both as appropriate. And help Wesley separate his, giving him feedback as to why some are met and others are not.

Both Patrick and I have been working on this ourselves and even within a week I've noticed a change in Wesley's words. He is using the word want now -- yeah! And he is starting to use the word need appropriately too.

This is wonderful progress!

I place emphasis on this subject because I want my son to learn the difference between his needs and his wants. I want him to prioritize his pursuits in life and know that his longings -- when tuned in to his own spiritual desires and internal callings -- will lead him along God's plan.

So, what are your needs? What are your wants? Is it OK for you to want something? Is it OK for you to get it? These are all things decided by children as they watch the adults around them.

IF for no other reason than to liberate Wesley from unnecessary uncertainty, I plan on further sifting my wants from my needs.

Not only do I hope to tap in to a deeper connection with myself and with God, I hope to carry out my "heart's desires" with certainty that God has placed within me gems that will benefit mankind today. And this of course will benefit my children -- and the world -- tomorrow. Read more!

Wesley likes polar bears

Can you blame him?

They're cute.His fondness for the bears and other endangered species isn't the reason we recycle, avoid buying wasteful products, such as bottled water, and prefer alternatives to plastic things, such as toys, but it does give a connection from our home to the wilderness.

Wesley's imagination takes him everywhere: to the moon, swimming in the ocean, and to great and varied terrains around our world. When he looks at me with all sincerity and says, "I want to go see ______ (fill in the blank)." I tell him, "One day, Sweetie, you may get to do that. Until that day I'll do what I can to help you prepare."

So, how does a mother help her son meet his dreams of swimming with wild dolphins or seeing polar bears?

Well, she starts at home, by doing what she can to make sure that the things he loves and wants to explore now are there for him when he safely lets go of her hand -- to cross streets or oceans on his own.

Wesley is an explorer. (Most 2 year olds are, it's in their nature, so we'll see who he is as he grows and changes, for now, though, it fits.) Wesley delights in nature. This is a boy who pretends he is swimming with fish and sharks in his bed and wraps himself in a piece of cardboard in lieu of a rocket ship. This is a child who looks at the world around him with deep interest.

This is a child who will, despite his fondness for nature, do what Patrick and I do.

If we don't connect our actions and decisions to the world around us, he likely won't (not for a while at least). So we take from the earth's resources with moderation. We are helping him reach his dreams by treading lightly on our path through this physical world. So that the things he likes now will be there when he finally has the opportunity to pursue his dreams on his own.

Whether or not humans impact the environment to the extent that environmentalists claim is irrelevant to me. I want a beautiful world tomorrow. And I can contribute by consuming fewer of earth's resources, like oil used in the production of plastics and most synthetic fibers (such as polyester). Plastics not only are comprised partially of oil, they take years to break down, filling landfills and littering roadsides until then. Plastic bottles have their place, perhaps an occasional camping trip, but not in everyday use. Think about it: Not only is the plastic itself a waste of oil and a long-term eye sore wherever it ends up, it took oil to ship them to the store. Surely, one of these cool SIGG bottles fits your style.

Reducing plastics and paper products is a small step. Larger steps include reducing your overall consumerism and reliance on shopping/obtaining things to feel good about yourself. We all feel the pull ... I do, at least. I'll be walking through a department store will see a new purse and think, "wow, it's on sale and really cute." Somewhere subconsciously I am thinking others will admire my style and my inner child is ready to pull out her ATM card.

I know the justifications: it's on sale, it's cheap, it's from a thrift store ... So what? It doesn't matter where they came from, a leather pair of shoes takes 25 to 40 years to decompose. That nylon dress on sale will take 30 to 40 years to decompose, compared to cotton, which takes around 5 months.

Read more about your trash's lifespan here.

This blog entry is all over the place, I just want to dump some thoughts and rather than leak green philosophy here and there, thought I'd get it off my chest in one post. (That said, I reserve the right to leak green.)

Hopefully our children will be more responsible than we are and then their children and so on ... all choices have some give and take and sometimes convenience wins even the best of conservationists ... Read more!

The measure of a mom ...

An inch.

that's all it took ... I gave him an inch, he took a one-foot fall into a shallow bog at the botanical gardens.

So, i ask, is the "good" mother the one who keeps her child from falling into the bog in the first place by not giving that inch ... or is it she who keeps her wits as she fishes him out, undresses him, removes her jacket, covers him up with it, and then -- after he has calmed -- sits back down to chat with her friend as her son continues to play ... ?

It's a rhetorical question, at least, I don't think it's either/or. It's just a thought. I'm actually rather proud of how calmly i approached the situation. and it did give a photographer a very cute subject (if I do say so myself). Read more!

If, Then ...

So Wesley's mind has taken another leap forward.

We were in the car and he wanted to wear his blue hat. I said, "That's a great idea, unfortunately the blue hat is not in the car for you to wear."

Wesley said, "Oh, it's at home."

"Yes!" I said as I almost leaped out of the driver seat. Why so much excitement? I didn't tell him the hat was at home, he figured that part out ... he put together a present if, then situation.

A few days later he wanted chocolate milk. I said, "We dont' have chocolate milk, you can have cow milk (regular milk) or water. Which would you like?"

He said, "Let's go to the store."

Wow ... he did it again, only this time, he forecasted. If we go to the store, then I can get my chocolate milk and I *will* be satisfied.

I'm excited about this new level of thinking. It's definitely a mental development.

I can't help but wonder what is the significance of this new stage in relationship to his spirtual development. What does if, then thinking offer to his soul?

This is my question to you. Please post your thoughts in the comments section. I'll post mine in the next blog entry. Read more!

Places we go ... principles that stay

Wesley and Emily went to the NC Museum of Life and Science today. It's a great place for children. Some of you have been there and seen the butterfly house, the remote control sailboats, the bears, and the giant playground, and can attest to the fun it offers.

Wesley likes to watch the videos of rocket launches and to climb inside a rocket capsule and pretend that he his taking off. "Five, four, three, two, one ... blast off!" he yells.

Today he briefly followed a group of six school children as they looked at native owls, turtles, snakes, alligators, etc. "Oh, wow," he repeated after the six year olds. "Hey, look at that, that's a big snake." Then he'd laugh with them and run to the next exhibit.

We had a lot of fun before returning home and playing with his trains. "Your turn, Mawmaw," he'd say if I hadn't looked up from my book in a couple of minutes. Then he'd take a train and put it in my hand.

The pictures in this post aren't from the museum. Unfortunately, I left the camera at home. Nope, these pictures were taken back in November when Patrick and I drove three hours to take Wesley to Tweetsie Railroad. We sure love our adventures!

He had more fun playing in the leaves and with the Thomas play table than riding a real live steam engine. I don't blame him: It was cold outside and the train was LOUD.

Just yesterday Wesley and I stayed in all day. We didn't even go in the backyard or walk to the park.

Nope, I had to clean.

I was folding laundry when I heard a quiet little voice repeating: "A pure heart. Oh God, my God. A pure heart. Oh God, my God." He mixed up the words a bit, but it didn't matter one bit to me. I beamed and delighted in hearing him spontaneously repeat words from a new prayer.

The actual prayer by Abdu’l-Bahá goes like this: "He is God! O God, my God! Bestow upon me a pure heart, like unto a pearl."

Those moments tell me that his most fun memories fade in value next to his most firm morals. And those, we can offer to him wherever we are.

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